Crack Crisis of '86

1970-1980
Since Dave Corp. started the crack production in 1970, a huge percent of population was addicted to it by the end of the next decade. However, due to its popularity more and more people started synthesizing their own crack, as the ingredients could be replaced with relative ease without losing much chemical potential. Not only did it decrease Dave Corp. profits by a considerable amount, the ingredients for the mixtures became much more harder to come by. Crack prices began rapidly rising, and since Dave Corp. could not sell the remaining substance it had, major budgets cuts had to be taken - Indian Dave himself was forced to let go of his personal favourite midget stripper by the end of 1980.

March 1986
The crisis has reached its peak on 27th of March, 1986. Dave Corp. had very little crack left for Indian Dave's personal use - other than that, there wasn't a single whiff of crack in the whole country. The streets of every city were littered with spasming junkie bodies, begging for a sniff or two.

Although crack withdrawal causes no harm to the body, the mind suffers greatly. The whole country was paralyzed - there was no one to work in water plants, no one to supply electricity, no one to regulate traffic.

There was no hope left, since everything that could be used to make crack (including goat blood, toenail dust and even dried cabbage) was long gone.

Thankfully, Anus Ron with slightly hungover Indian Dave managed to find the solution. They needed a resource that India had plenty to make crack - and that resource was human waste. Anus took a plastic bag and went into the streets to gather the material needed. Before dusk, the first batch of new formula crack was made.

India was saved. By the end of March, most dealers have been supplied with new batches straight from Dave Corp. The only drawback was that the price had to stay low, to prevent such a situation from ever occurring again. As a result, Dave Corp. made less profit on average than before, but remained the last remaining manufacturer, as homemade crack stopped being profitable enough.

It is unclear whether or not human shit is still used in the recipe. Dave Corp. refused to comment on the subject.